Friday, April 6, 2012

Irritated

My dentist appointment went better than expected yesterday. I was hoping to get some of the dental work done that I need but they simply just did x-rays to tell me what is wrong with my teeth. I nearly laughed when they said I need braces. There is no way that I can afford that!For 10 years of not having any dental insurance, I feel that I fared pretty well. I have 13 cavities, which I expected, and I have to have one tooth (a wisdom tooth) removed because it is pushing against the rest of my lower teeth. The only problem with this is that they are going to have to take a piece of my jaw with it. Also, I have to have a deep cleaning which will be done in 4 parts because they have to numb me to scrape the calcium deposits from under my gums that are starting to solidify and swelling my gums. Overall, it's going to be 9 visits in total to have all the work done that I need. And unfortunately, the first appointment that I could get to get the work started isn't until the 20th.
Grandma's funeral is irritating me. There was a private burial for her yesterday that not even the entire family was invited to. Then her memorial service is Saturday which everyone is invited to. Why would you hold a burial and only allow a handful of people to attend, and not even the whole family? People have made this far more difficult than it needed to be.
My mom has sold her house and will be moving to Minnesota in a few short weeks. Sunday, we will be saying our goodbyes. I fell like I am having a personal funeral myself. While my mother and I may never have been super close, besides my sister and brother, she is the only family that I have left. My sister will be following her because she is attached to the hip of my mother. My little brother and I have never been close; he is 7 years younger than I am and he is autistic, so his needs have always seemingly distanced us because of the education he needed, and health problems. We are going Easter to clear out what we want from her house and hopefully have a decent visit. I feel so overwhelmed with the whole situation that, frankly, I want to curl up under a blanket and stay there until it's over. I don't like the helpless/hopeless alone feeling I have. while I really am not alone-- I have Hail and Raph (whom, since we are not married could leave whenever he chooses)I still feel it. Not to mention, I have a million things going on this month which has prompted me to be in high gear consistently, but not really have any time to do anything or feel anything I'm consistently on "go" mode.

2 comments:

Chrystal Mahan said...

I am sorry your family is moving away. You mentioned you are not very close - so I have a feeling in time you will manage just fine. When those times happen that you do get to spend with her - in the end I think it will bring you closer together. Those times will be much more special.

It is good to have something to focus on in life - those are the things that keep me from staying in bed all day long. It is really easy for me to fall into extreme depression.

I know your feeling about the dentist. It has been 5 years for me since I have been to one because I lost my insurance 5 years ago in my divorce. Now I am with insurance and I have yet to make the dentist appt. Its that feeling of guilt, shame, and fear.

Bailey said...

I was fortunate that with my marriage I inhertied my husband's family dentist. The man is incredible and after a life time of no regular dental care I have had a decade of normal care with someone who makes it as bareable as it can be for someone who hates dental work.

My parents moved out of state shortly after I was married and I knew it was basically the end of my relationship with my Dad. He hated to use the phone, didn't use any form of technology, and never traveled back here before he died. I knew that when my Mom started hinting she wanted to move that would happen and it was hard to accept she would do that to her children and grandchildren. She moved to be closer to one of her sons. What was sad is he is known for being a wanderer. He never stays more than a few years in one place. It was worse than expected he divorced and she only has his ex and his kids around. She complains constantly, but I warned her when she moved this is what she faced. There was nothing I could do to help.

 

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