Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Daddy Disappointments

I have to write this post because this is something that I have seen far too often in my lifetime and it has really been bothering me.

Sunday, I got a text from my husband saying that he wanted to come over on Monday to visit with our son. "Great! You can come any time," I told him, "We have nothing planned for the day."

Monday comes and we wait, and wait, and wait, and wait some more. All day Sunday, I was hopeful that he would really show up. I talked to Hail about getting to see his daddy, something that in hindsight I wish I hadn't done. Now, keep in mind that I have never disillusioned Hail in who his daddy is, he knows him, and when we talked about him on Sunday, he seemed to remember him- judging by the gigantic smiles he gave me each time I mentioned him.

Finally, around 11 PM I get a text stating that "I tried but couldn't make myself come over. You were right, I am a coward." I am not sure what exactly there is to be afraid of here, unless you cannot face the fact that you left a 3 1/2 month old child behind and haven't seen him in over a month. That is 1/3 of his ENTIRE life.

Never before and never will I say anything bad about Hail's daddy in front of him because I want him to make his own opinions, judgments and feelings for him. But seriously, if this is a continuing trend- what do you tell your child when they ask why their daddy didn't want them? Or why daddy never showed up.

All day Monday, Hail avoided taking a nap. He would look around in anticipation every time someone came to the door, any time my phone made a noise, and any time there was a sound that he recognized. I could really care less whether he wants to be there for me, or really even wants anything to do with me at all. It makes my heart hurt and absolutely sickens me that someone could walk away from their child, especially at such a young age for their own selfish reasons. Or even the lack thereof.

Cowardice or not, this little boy needs his daddy as all other little boys need their daddys. He's a happy baby boy, full of smiles and giggles. He is very forgiving, but I doubt he will be forever when he is given nothing but disappointments. I am his mommy, I can't be his daddy too. I don't have any intentions of finding him a new one, I want the one he already has to make the decision to be a part of this sweet little boy's life. I can't make that decision for him.


Jennifer said...

This happens now and then with my ex and our kids. It breaks my heart to see my children hurting. I will say that my ex does see the kids regularly. It's just easy for him to cancel a visit when the kids live with me. I hope your son's dad will "man up" and be a father to his son soon!

Gwynne said...

My son didn't meet his father until he was four years old. He's 13 now, and while he has something of a relationship with his father, it's pretty much all online because he lives across the country.

I've always, always been honest with my son about his father. I don't tell him the, "Oh, your father loves you, he's just busy," bit, because I don't know that. I'll tell him, "He just couldn't be here, and I don't know why. But that's okay, because I'm here." Sometimes it's enough, sometimes it's not. But that policy has paid off. My son has no expectations of his relationship with his father, and he's happy with what he gets. The excitement and expectations are what can really break a kid's heart.


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